There’s so much fucking power in adult female friendships…as long as you’re making friends with the mermaids and being very wary of the crabs.

Let me explain-

Friendship: Such a beautiful and crucially necessary aspect of life that totally evolves as we age, or at least it should…but sometimes, people get stuck.

As we grow and change into the adults we eventually become, our past friendships often end and almost always evolve to take on new form.

Frequently, that evolution creates some complicated dynamics while we’re journeying through our various life stages, doesn’t it?

One thing I’ve noticed repeatedly throughout my decade and a half as an entrepreneur is that for adult women, the bonds of friendship become so damn tricky as we navigate the complexities of work, family, and personal growth, especially in the business world.

In this post, I’m pondering some of the joys, challenges and total bullshit of navigating adult, female friendships.

Specifically, the impact of woman-on-woman bullying in the context of small towns, small businesses and small minds.

Adult female friendships can be like a fine wine, as in-they get better with time.

As we mature, our ability to form deep connections with other women can grow and become an amazing and invaluable source of strength and support.

BUT in some, there’s a stunting that happens somewhere along the way. Learned behaviors, personal trauma and other experiences that come along with being human can affect perspective and the way we interact with others. That stunting abruptly stops the maturing process in some way and severs the ability to form those deep bonds with other women making friendships…difficult.

Unpopular opinion-It’s my belief that most of the childish bullying I see happening amongst women begins with the absence of empathy and a serious lack of emotional maturity.

Friendships are meant to be built on shared experiences, clear communication, mutual respect & understanding and perhaps most importantly-a genuine desire to see each other thrive. Anything else doesn’t equal friendship in my book.

There are some crucial components for being true besties with someone:

First and foremost-

Empathy and Understanding Required:

Adult friendships amongst women are often solidified by a level of empathy that comes from shared life experiences.

Whether it's juggling career ambitions, managing family responsibilities or dealing with personal challenges, female friends who’ve experienced similar situations and feelings can offer each other a unique understanding and sense of camaraderie. There’s just something about the way your girls understand you, in a way that no one else quite does, right?

Celebrating Successes and Navigating Failures:

True friends celebrate t.f out of each other's victories and provide comfort and big hugs (virtual or otherwise) during the inevitable setbacks.

If you’re friends aren’t cheering for you the loudest, they’re probably not your friends.

In the business world, I’ve seen the road to success and lemme tell ya- it’s both paved with obstacles and littered with fake friends.

Having a handful of supportive women who truly have your back (even when you’re not in the room) really makes all the difference in the world. But, those kind of friends can be tough to come by, especially if you have the audacity to be smart, capable AND attractive.

Insecurity speaks the loudest:

When you shine bright and you know it, there will always be someone absolutely committed to throwing shade.

While adult female friendships are a powerful source of strength, there’s also a darker side where jealous shadows and fake friends are lurking just outside the glow of your brightness, just waiting to rain on your badbitch parade.

Woman-on-woman bullying is a real and impactful issue and its presence in the world of small businesses can’t be ignored, especially when you’re the target.

I’ve seen this evil-eye energy take down some of the strongest, kindest, most capable women I know (including myself, for a while).

Collaboration, not competition…

In the competitive landscape of entrepreneurship, the line between healthy competition and bullying can be blurry for women living in the disorienting darkness of their own screaming insecurities.

I’ve witnessed those women resort to undermining, gossiping and sometimes even straight up lying about their female peers. Rather than learning from, being inspired by or celebrating another woman who’s doing something they haven’t done yet, they recruit company for their own misery and it’s often just too easy to find other miserable folks who don’t hesitate to believe their lies, without question or logic.

Add in the fact that we’re socially conditioned (basically from birth) to be in competition with each other and it’s a fucking ‘Girl-boss’ feeding frenzy at the first whiff of fresh blood in the water.

This kind of toxic behavior can do serious harm to a business and…it’s just so EW!

It’s NOT the vibe babe. We’re not in high school, it’s time to grow up.

Here’s the thing that makes all of this so intolerable…

That sense of competition we have with each other is a total fabrication.

Think about it! In reality, there’s plenty of clients to go around. There’s over 275,000 people living just in my small town alone.

Can you handle all of those clients on your own?

Didn’t think so babe! It’s so crazy the way folks get stuck in this ‘lack’ mentality!!

Crab mentality…

Speaking of lack mentality- Have you ever seen the way crabs fight when they’re in a bucket?

If they left each other alone, the majority of them could probably make it out of the bucket easily, but they don’t.

They pinch and claw at each other and if any of them start to climb too high, the other crabs will pull them back down into the little bucket. This is exactly how I view small business bullying.

They’re crabby that they can’t do what you’re doing and so they wanna drag you back down to their level. Instead of collaborative mentality, it’s crab mentality and it’s sooo icky.

Unfortunately, woman-on-woman bullying can also have severe consequences to mental health; I’ve seen, heard and felt it firsthand. It’s heartbreaking and it really is SO gross yall.

The stress and emotional toll all of this can take leads to burnout and, in some cases, the total failure or abandonment of entrepreneurial dreams- this happens probably more often than you know.

Creating and nourishing, strong, healthy and authentic friendships (with mermaids, not crabs…) is the best way to survive the bullying that will surely come, once you dare to start making the climb out of that bucket and doing something different or better than your business peers.

Ok, I know you don’t want to be a crab, so…

How can YOU foster a culture of support and encouragement amongst women in businesses?

Open Communication-Major Key Alert:

This goes both ways. Encouraging, initiating and participating in open, honest communication is crucial. When we express our feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation, it creates an environment where conflict or miscommunication can be addressed and resolved in a mature and constructive way.

After all, we’re women, not crabs!

Mentoring and Collaboration:

Establishing mentorships and fostering collaborative efforts among women in business can help break down competitive barriers. When we come together to share knowledge and support each other's growth, the entire community benefits.

It might feel difficult and uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re not used to constructive communication; But lean into it, I promise, it’s worth doing. Nothing gets solved if nothing gets talked about.

*As a side note, if an entrepreneur has offered you mentorship and in return, you’ve stolen from her or tarnished her name…shame on you. You need to get right with yourself girl. Karma is a bitch and she always collects.

Conclusion:

Women are a mf’n force to be reckoned with! Yeah, we can and sometimes do tear each other down, but when we ditch the crab bucket mentality, we’re more than capable of empowering each other to achieve our wildest dreams and overcome our biggest obstacles.

In entrepreneurship and in life, it’s essential that we recognize the impact of bullying and that we actively work towards creating a culture of collaboration and support instead of competition and gossip.

Rising tide lifts all boats, so long as you can un-anchor yourself from old, limiting beliefs and behaviors.

By celebrating each other's successes and navigating challenges collaboratively, women are building thriving communities and businesses that uplift everyone involved. I’ve seen it!

Empowered women empower other women. If you’re not already practicing, give it a try-it feels pretty fucking great

In a world full of crabs, be a fucking mermaid babe!