A word on speaking your truth
People who meet me nowadays generally think I’m confident. Maybe even bold. I mostly am... on the outside. The truth is that I question everything (myself first and foremost), but I’ve learned knowledge is power and research is free. It costs zero dollars to look up the answer to a question in your mind. In 5-10 minutes (an hour or two if you really want to dig deep), you could give yourself a whole new, multi faceted understanding of a subject, and the confidence to speak on it if you want to. We’re in an age where information is available with less than the click of a button, yet I still find myself arguing senselessly with people who remain willfully ignorant.
Here’s a little secret. I’ve actually never really been a very confident person. I was a painfully shy child, a very self-conscious teenager and a meek young woman until I realized that I felt meek because I was relying on other people to inform me about things I could (and should) be informing myself about. It’s my right and really, my duty as a citizen and voter to question 👏🏻 everything👏🏻. People who know me well, know how often self doubt turns up for me, and how deep it goes. Healing that is part of my self-work everyday.
There was a time, very recently actually, when my personal confidence was at an all time low. I disappeared from social medial, friendships, family, my job... I was doubting everything I’d ever believed and been taught, it was exhausting. I didn’t know how to make people understand how I was feeling, so I just... disappeared myself.
Sometimes the best self work is done alone in the dark. Questioning everything led me to knowledge I had never even thought to seek before. Why was I so miserable? Why did I feel so ineffective? How did I find myself here? Is it really possible that our whole society is designed to keep people in hard times, in hard times and I was just too privileged to know about it before? People are really out here dying while an elite few actually profit off of our misfortunes! How did thing get this way?!
So I did what I always do. I read. I began to unravel the vines of stories that had been twisting around in my head for years, to see where they started and where they lead. I snipped off the old, dead parts in order to let the new and existing tendrils flourish. I learned that some people are committed to their indoctrination and are truly committed to misunderstanding and ignoring other perspectives. I learned that those people... are just not my people and I should try to stay away from them. The information is there if you want to seek it. I also learned to stop letting people committed to misunderstanding me control how I grow and move in life 🤯🤯.
I used to believe that I was uneducated and for that reason, I should keep my vines of opinions to myself and let smarter, more involved people make the calls. I know now that I can educate myself, and those “smarter”, more involved people have been taking advantage of the people they’re supposed to be representing the interests of for a long time. My pot runneth over! (Plant pun totally intended)
I’m well aware that I don’t know everything. My daily fight is that I still doubt if anything I have to say is important. If I can “start” one person on their own path to seek answers and contemplate things from a different perspective, then I guess that satisfies some part of me that feels constantly moved to do SOMETHING to change the situation we find ourselves in as Americans. I know there’s a better way than the way we’re currently doing life, I can feel it. I’ve always felt a social responsibility to share what I have. Since I’m currently working with barely enough money to survive, I have only my words and intentions to contribute. Take them however you want.
I was once a girl who believed society when it told me I had nothing to contribute. I am now a woman who’s confident enough to speak on subjects I know about, and I’ve given myself the tools to keep learning as I go. You know what? I intend to have it all and learn everything I can while I’m spinning around on this fucked up planet.
I’m all for sharing.
Who’s in?
-✌🏻❤️